Codigos - the Unspoken Rules of the Milonga

The milonga is unforgiving.

The first time I saw a milonga, I was passing by on my way to a salsa club, and I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I was being introduced to tango by a friend who thought I might like to try it. I heard the old scratchy music as I made my way down the stairs, and when I opened the door to the milonga, I felt as though I was stepping into the past. In the tiny club, all the women wore draping tailey skirts and sparkling heels, the men wore suits. There were candles and wine on every table, and I stood in the shadows by the door, somehow unable to make my way into the club.  Everyone eyed me sideways as they danced past me on the dancefloor. Obviously I didn't belong in my ripped jeans and sneakers, but I wasn't sporting a unicorn horn either, yet I felt as though there was no way I could stay there any longer than my 2 minutes in the doorway. My cold welcome had expired. While to some, this may have been a turnoff, for me it was intriguing. What was so different between salsa and tango that made people come in and join the party, or turn around and run? 

The Salsa club (to me, some may disagree) like most dance clubs everywhere, is somewhat like the real world. If you have common courtesy, are polite, and friendly, and have good hygiene, you can't go wrong. You can hang out anywhere in the club, sit or stand, drink or chat, and you can ask anyone to dance, they can say yes or no, the better you dance, the more in demand you are... pretty common sense stuff. Nothing too surprising there. The milonga though is laden with rules and practices and norms that require a socialization process. Without this, we are too different and too obviously an outsider and to join in or even blend in.

First of all, time and space are divided in the milonga. There are some seats we can sit in, while some are reserved for those who booked in advance, are regulars, friends of the organizers, or special guests. At some venues, you are seated by the organizer and can only sit in your assigned chair! In some crowded milongas, if you don't reserve a table and buy a bottle of wine, you cannot sit. In other milongas, the space is naturally divided into smaller communities or groups, and even though there is an empty chair over there, it would be weird for you to sit there - something like joining another family's table at a restaurant! The dance floor is never ok for walking on or across, not even between tandas, as the floor should stay clear for dancers to look around for their next partner. Standing in front of the dancers (regardless of whether they are standing or sitting) or walking around on the floor will prevent them from making eye contact and getting their next dance, and will make you a public enemy.

While we are speaking about the dance floor, let's talk a bit about dancing. You might have heard by now there is a line of dance, and there are lanes, just like in traffic.  You must keep your place in line, you cannot pass the dancers in front of you, and you cannot delay the dancers behind you. You cannot bump into anyone around you - not even a little bit. As a beginner, you should consider dancing in the second or inside lane, opposed to dancing in the outermost lane. The outside lane moves faster and is ultimately for showing off you amazing dance so to lure your next follower to dance with you. The space in the outside lane is competitive and if you don't have the skills to hold your spot, you will get bumped out and pushed into the inside lane - if you take a big sidestep and leave an empty spot in your lane for just a second, when you try to step back into it, you might find that there is somebody already inched into it! So don't worry about fighting for this space until you need it - that is to say, when you feel like you NEED to be in the outside lane to show off your great dance to the spectators and your adoring fans. Until then, enjoy the slower paced inside lane!

Time is also divided at the milonga. The music is played in a pattern of 4 tangos and 4 tangos again, 3 waltzes, 4 tangos, and 4 tangos, 3 milongas, 4 tangos and 4 tangos, and then again 3 waltzes and the pattern continues all night. Dancing with a new person can be risky. We try to assess others' dance by watching, and if they are too far below or above and beyond our level, or dance a style we don't enjoy/cannot dance, we typically don't dance with them. When a couple wants to try to dance for the first time, the leader sometimes skips the first song of the tanda (just in case it may be a bad tanda for them, 3 bad songs are better than 4 bad songs) but the other side of that coin is that some followers may be offended by the leader's lack of confidence in her, so she may reject the proposal. Asking a person to dance the third or fourth song of a tanda is a sure sign of being beginner and will likely get a refusal as well. And one more thing to consider is that the music gets more demanding and difficult to dance to at the end of the night. Beginners tend to dance early and more experienced dancers tend to stay until the end of the night. However, the milonga is not only a place for dancing. If the level, style of tango, or music isn't what you like, you can can still enjoy your time there, having a glass of wine, chatting with friends, watching the dancers, or just listening to the music.

While you dance at milonga, despite having learned many cool things in classes, you shouldn't use them at milonga until they are second nature to you. Musicality and floorcraft are the most important things in dancing at milonga. Even if you just walk, but it expresses the music, it is 1000X better than attempting figures that make your follower uncomfortable or are off the music. Do not use the milonga to practice. Never teach anything to anyone at a milonga - even if you know how to help them. Practica and class are the place to work on figures. You are dancing to have a good time and to make your partner have a good time, so just have fun!

The last point is about socializing. The milonga is a social gathering, so greetings and chatting are good, but be sure that your chatting is not occupying someone looking for a dance.  It is ok to walk away in the midst of a conversation in a milonga - you can do that if you catch someone's eye, with a quick "excuse me", leave the conversation behind and go dance! As well, don't be offended, if someone cuts you off midsentence with a "one moment" and disappears onto the dancefloor. If they are looking around while you are talking, it's a good sign they are not ready to chat yet! It is not necessary to become friends with someone if you want to dance with them, but we are more likely to dance with our friends regardless of how perfectly they dance. At the same time, just because someone talks with you, it doesn't mean they are obligated to dance with you. They may like your sense of humor but are not interested in your dance. Accept that not everyone has to dance with you. No one is obligated.  You have the right to propose VIA CABECEO, and the have the right to refuse. You should know, many dancers  reject invitations to dance based on the failure to cabeceo alone! Just by walking up to someone and asking them to dance, by default, you are rejected! Like you, everyone is at the milonga to dance and have a good time, this includes your teachers.  Do not assume they must dance with you at milonga, they are not there to answer your questions about figures, recommend youtube links, upcoming events, or their class schedule.  They are not at milonga to work, they are there to have fun!

So it is easy to see how newcomers easily stand out from the crowd at milonga where everyone knows the rules and practices these unspoken social codes. The more you come to milonga, the faster you will pick up on these norms and rules of etiquette. At first, the milonga environment might seem unwelcoming and strange, but after you dance there a few times, you will begin to understand why these rules exist. They all serve every important purposes and the milonga really cannot function without them. If you have any questions about the milonga or comments you would like to add here, please contact us at thesfto@gmail.com !